CUNY Lehman College Business Communication Memo Reflective Paper 2

The following attached message, which originated in an international technology company, was
intended to inform new team members about their upcoming move to a different office
location. But its stream-of-conscious thinking and jumbled connections leave the receiver
confused as to what is expected and how to respond.

Your Task. Study the complete message (on page 2 of this document). Then revise it with (a) a
clear introduction that states the purpose of the message, (b) a body with properly announced
lists, and (c) a conclusion that includes a call to action and a deadline. Improve the organization
by chunking similar material together. What questions must be answered? What tasks should
be performed? Make it easy for receivers to respond by “down editing,” i.e., returning the
message with their responses (in another color) interspersed among listed items. Finally,
consider adding “you” view to the message. It can be either an e-mail or a memo.